LETTERS
by Donna McIntosh
Summary: What would it be like if Jack and Ennis wrote letters back and forth? Maybe something like this.


Title: LETTERS

Author: Brokeback Mountain

Rating: R

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx. I make no money off of them.

Summary: What would it have been like if Jack and Ennis wrote letters back and forth? Maybe something like this.

LETTERS

Cowboy,

Clock say's its 3:12 in the mornin and I should be sleepin but I

can't. I got lots of stuff I need to do tomorrow but all I can think

about is what we'd be doin if I was up there. I miss you so much. I

don't think you know what you do to me, Cowboy. I ain't good for

nothin a week before I go up there and not good for nothin at least a month after I get back. I mean it. All's I can think 'bout is you and me living together somewhere off by ourselves. Nobody to answer to but

each other. Don't you ever think 'bout that at all? If you don't

then maybe I'm in this a lot deeper than you are. Just crazy thinkin, I guess. I was just wonderin really; if you were lonely tonight too.

Rodeo

Rodeo,

Don't you never go thinkin I ain't in this deep as you, cause I am;

deeper probably. Spend half the time thinkin on the last time you

was here and the other half of the time waiting for you to come back.

Always scared you might not come back. Yes, I think 'bout your

Little dream 'bout us living together but it just can't happen, Rodeo. I told you. We get found out, we'll be dead. That's just the way that sort of thing is handled up here. Then what would happen to my girls?

I'm their Pa, Rodeo. I just can't run off and leave them, no matter how much I might want that dream of yours. It's just gotta stay a

beautiful dream. That's all it can be.

The answer to your other question is YES. I am lonely tonight.

Tonight and every night. Thinkin 'bout you and wonderin what you're doin and who you're doin it with. I don't need no details on that one, so don't tell me. That's just what I wonder 'bout is all.

I ain't much good at writin letters. Hope I did OK with this one.

Cowboy

Cowboy,

Your letter made me real happy today. I was all smilin and stuff and

everybody was askin if I won the lottery or somethin. I just laughed

at them. I didn't really expect you would answer my letter but I'm

awful glad you did. Cowboy, I'd never ask you to just up and leave

your girls. I know they mean the world to you. I was thinkin tho,

that between the two of us we could make enough to pay that child-

support and you could still see them all you want and they could come

visit us. Just think on it some is all I ask. I think on it all the

time; you and me alone together on our own place. I could come up

with the money for a down payment; got quite a bankroll saved up.

Lureen pays for everythin 'round here. You ever get in a bind, you

just give me a hollar. Or you could call me too. My numbers

areat work and at home.

Thanks for writin me back. It's almost as good as seein you. Hell,

not really, but it was surely nice readin your writin. Write me

again if you're a mind to.

Rodeo

Rodeo,

Didn't never expect a piece of paper in an envelope could make me

Feel so good but you're writin on it sure does. Like you said, it's

Almost like a visit. Not nearly as good but special good just the same. I thank you kindly for the offer of a loan but don't think I'll be needin it. As long as I keep my job I have now, I can get by with my responsibilities and oblgations. They do weigh heavy on my heart

Rodeo and they gotta come first. My girls are gettin bigger and maybe a day will come when we can spend more time together. I dearly hope so.

Nothin would make me happier. This ache I got inside me whenever I

think 'bout you only goes away when you and me are together. I miss

you somethin awful and it truly pains me that I have to make a

choice between you and my girls. I know now that I never should a married Alma but I swear to God, Rodeo, I never had no idea this thing

between us was gonna grow into somethin like it has. I don't regret havin my babies tho, can't never say that. I surely do love them.

I'm markin the days off on my calender till your next visit.

Cowboy

Cowboy,

I know what you mean about the letter. I can hardly wait to get home

each night to go through the mail lookin for a letter from you. It's

funny how good they make me feel. You know, I was thinkin. Maybe I

could come up there more often? I mean for just a weekend or

somethin? I could fly up and back. I done some flyin and it ain't

too bad. I do some for the business. Could just as easy fly up there.

What do you think? You could call me maybe on a Friday and I'd fly

right up. We could get a room somewhere, maybe at that motel, or

just saddle up and go on off to the woods somewhere. What do you think

about that? You wouldn't have to take off work or anythin. We'd see

to it we was back in town soon enough. Think on it and let me know.

Can hardly wait for your next letter. I miss you somethin fierce.

Rodeo

Rodeo,

That could be mighty dangerous, what you're thinkin. You comin up

here coupla times a year; nobody give that no thought but you start comin up here more and more and sooner or later folks'll start figurin things out. There'd be big trouble all 'round. Don't know how they handle this stuff down in Texas but it ain't happenin in Riverton.

I dreamed 'bout you other night. Had to change my sheets in the

morning if you get my meanin. You ever have dreams like that? You still seein your neighbor's old lady? You be careful now, ya hear? A shotgun'll kill you sure as tire irons!

Cowboy

Cowboy,

I already got trouble here. Lureen's daddy was pokin 'round my desk

And found your last letter. Now don't get all excited 'bout it. It's

handled. We had us a little shouting and threatenin session and he

decided to stay outta my desk and I decided not to spread his teeth

all over the showroom floor. We got us a understandin. He keeps his

mouth shut 'bout the letter and I keep my mouth shut 'bout the fact that he's shaggin the waitress at the cafe down the street. You shoulda seen his face when I told him I knew about that. He turned purple, I swear!

Shoulda used that one on him sooner, keep him off my back some. He

hates me for other reasons 'sides you, Cowboy. I been out-sellin him

and gettin all kinds of awards and bonuses and stuff from the

manufacturers of this stuff we sell. He used to be top dog in that

department, but now it's me and he can't stand it. That's mainly why

I'm tryin so hard to make the sales, cause he hates it so.

You know, the old fart didn't even care about me seein the neighbor's

old lady; didn't even mention it. All's he cared about was havin

proof that I was a faggot. He went from bein over-the-moon happy to bein knee-deep-in-shit unhappy. One of these days the old bastard's gonna pop a vein and leave this earth. That'll be a happy day for me.

To answer your question, No. I ain't seein that gal anymore. She

wanted to get all serious and I told her that wasn't happenin. I

ain't seein nobody 'cept you in my dreams. I guess that answered both your questions huh?

Almost forgot. I got me a post office box you can write me there.

It'll be safer. Don't worry 'bout your letters fallin into the wrong

hands. I keep them in my safe now and don't nobody know that

combination but me.

New address is: P.O. Box 6048, Childress, TX .

Miss you too Cowboy, more than is sayable.

Rodeo

Rodeo,

Holy shit! You gotta be more careful! This is exactly what I been

talking 'bout. That old man gets mad enough at you and it's all

over. He's got lots of money and it's easier that takin a shit for him to get some good old buddies to put you in the ground! Don't you see what I'm talkin 'bout? This ain't never been 'bout my not wantin to be with you and not just 'bout child-support. I been scared shitless something like this would happen and there's not a thing I could do 'bout it being as I'm way up here. It could happen and I'd never even

know 'bout it. Just wouldn't hear from you no more. No more

letters. No more visits. Can't stand it Jack! Just can't damn well stand it no more! Don't write me no more letters. Burn the ones I wrote you. Just post card me if and when you still wanna come up next month.

Cowboy

Ennis got drunk that night. It was Friday and it's not like he had

anything to look forward to on the weekend. He thought he might just

stay in bed. Maybe dream about Jack again. It'd been a while. He

got up, went to the bathroom and relieved himself; got back in bed.

He hadn't gotten any more letters since the last one he wrote. "Damn.

Why'd I tell him not to write. I miss his letters, now almost as

Much as I miss him" he thought. He was startled out of his thoughts by a loud banging on the door. He jumped out of bed and ran for it

Wearing only his undershorts, thinking something had happened to Junior or Francine. He yanked the door open and was bowled over, pushed back

inside, door slammed behind them, by a grinning cowboy in a black hat.

Smothered with kisses, it was impossible to talk so they just

maneuvered their way back to the bed. Breathless, impossible,

precious moments later they lay exhausted side by side.

"You told me not to write any more so I thought I'd just come see

you. That alright Cowboy?" Jack nuzzled his nose into the curls at the

side of Ennis's head.

"Hell, No! It ain't alright! What if that old bastard had you

followed? What if he's on his way here right now gettin ready to put

an end to this? You just can't do this, Jack Twist! You can't!" he

sat up, whirled around. One look at Jack's face and it all melted away. All the fear, all the doin the right thing, all gone. Jack was here; here in his bed. That's all that mattered.

Jack opened his arms to him and Ennis came into them as easily as though he had been doing so on a regular basis. He laid his head on Jack's chest and listened to Jack murmuring "It's OK Cowboy. It's OK. I promise you." Soft kisses on the top of his head and warm hands

caressing his back. Nothing else, no one else mattered right now.

"You're not gonna believe this Cowboy, but it happened. The old

man. He's gone."

Ennis sat bolt upright. "Gone? You didn't..."

"No. Didn't have to. The waitress I told you he was seein? Her old

man came home early and caught 'em. Shot him dead."

"Oh my God!"

"Funeral was a coupla days ago. Lureen is takin Bobby and her Momma

off on a cruise. Gonna be gone all summer. So I got me some time

now. I'm gonna get a place round her somewhere close by. We'll be

real careful, like you want. Nobody'll find out."

Ennis gasped. "You movin here? Jack...Just cause the old man's out

of the way don't mean we'll be out of danger. Lot of people 'round here could cause trouble; and I don't want my girls bein shamed by their Pa." He pulled on his jeans, went into the kitchen and started some coffee. Jack followed, donning his jeans as well.

"We gotta do some serious talkin now, Ennis." He took a seat at the

small table; ready for this talk after rehearsing it all the way

here. "I told you I got money. Enough for a down payment on a

place, a small number of cattle to start with and enough left over to last us a coupla years if we're careful. By then we could have the place up and runnin. With your know-how at ranchin and my business

experience, we can make a go of it. We can watch each other's backs and see we don't give nobody cause to suspect we're anythin but buddies goin in on a ranch deal together. We both got kids, ex-wives, don't think we'll be all that suspect." He held his breath, waiting for Ennis to reply.

It wasn't the speech he had practiced, but it would have to do.

Ennis brought two steaming cups of coffee to the table and sat down

across from him.

"Jack, I..." his eyes came up from his cup of coffee and he looked

into Jack's face. There it was in his mind. Clear as a bell. "Here he

is; sittin at my table, still wantin to be with me after all these

years. I can't send him away again. Can't hurt him no more. Can't take the hurt of bein without him and worrin 'bout him no more. Just can't do it. Not no more!" He thought.

"I was gonna tell you no again. Send you away; but I can't. Not no

more. Bein beat to death with a tire iron can't hurt no more than I

already been hurtin." He dropped his eyes to his coffee and took a

sip. A small gasp from Jack brought his eyes up again.

"You mean it? You'll do it? Me and you can get us a place

together?" He couldn't believe his ears. This must be a dream. Too close to the day dreams he'd been having; the two of them living together.

"Yep. If you still want to. I got a little money saved up too

and..." That's all he got out before Jack drug him to his feet into

a great bear hug.

"We can make it Cowboy. I promise you we can. And we'll be careful

like you want." He said between kisses he was showering over Ennis's

face.

"Sooner or later we might get found out but till that time comes,

we're gonna spend some serious time together. Get to know one another." Ennis said when he could get a breath in between kisses. "If it does happen, whatever does happen, it'll be worth it. I won't have no regrets. It won't be no worse than wastin my life away in this

little trailer achin myself half to death over you."

The thought occurred to Jack that sometimes dreams really do come true.

The End


End file.
